literature

Wishful Thinking

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Laugh-Till-You-Bleed's avatar
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Literature Text

Looking up towards stormy skies,
  I lie upon my back.
An aching heart, an outstretched hand,
  Seeking what I lack.

On wayward winds, my thoughts do drift,
  Drifting towards the past.
A familiar scent brought by a breeze,
  My heart beats swift and fast.

Lover's lament, head down in shame,
  I sense your presence nearing.
Regret, remorse, perchance redemption?
  Is this what I am hoping?

With sanguine eyes, I steal a glance,
  Fearing what may be.
Disbelief fills my mind,
  This sight in front of me.

I cannot wait, nor hesitate,
  This chance that I've been given.
I see your smile and all the while,
  I know I've been forgiven.

Burdened no more, my spirit soars,
  I look upon your face.
From your ears, down to your chin,
  My fingers, they do trace.

Our lips draw near, I close my eyes,
   Anticipation most divine.
Flash of light, thunder cracks,
  I feel your lips on mine.

As I open my eyes, I see the lie,
  I'm met with shock and pain.
You were never here… and that kiss?
  Nothing more than a drop of rain.
What a funny dream...

The following is for :iconthewrittenrevolution:
Critique [link]

Thank you for taking the time to read this! =D

I'd appreciate any and all feedback.

Um, not sure what to ask for, critique-wise, for a poem. XD
Let's see...
1. Did it seem choppy meter-wise anywhere? Did it flow good?

2. Was the subject matter clear? Were there any parts that didn't make sense?

I'm pretty traditional when it comes to poems, so I apologize in advance if the rhyme scheme is repetitive. XD

Hope you liked it! =)
© 2011 - 2024 Laugh-Till-You-Bleed
Comments7
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WendyxJones's avatar
I love the theme and your use of literary devices such as alliteration and imagery, it really makes the poem enjoyable to read. However I feel that the climax of the poem came a little too late, and would have loved another stanza in between the final two, just to give the poem more structure and a feeling of resolution. Overall though, it was a pleasure to read, great work! :)