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April 18, 2011
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I remember when I was finally able to convince my parents to buy me a pet lizard.  I was so excited!  It lived inside a wooden cage with a wire mesh in front.  I named it Mr. Lizard.  I wasn't very good at coming up with names.

Everyday, when I came back home from school, I'd go to my room and would feed Mr. Lizard a cricket.  I thought that was the neatest part about having a lizard.  It was fun to watch as the cricket hopped around inside the cage as Mr. Lizard eyed it.  I kept thinking, "Oh man, I wonder when he'll eat the cricket!"  Then "Munch!"  It was done.  I was somewhat disgusted by it, but at the same time fascinated.

One night, I was watching a nature show on TV and the people in it were trying to rescue some animals that were captured illegally and being sold as pets.  They managed to save a few and then released them back into the wild.  Everyone was happy and patting each other on the back.  I thought it was a wonderful story and it made me smile.

Later that evening, as I lay in bed staring at Mr. Lizard, I thought how cruel it was to keep him.  I got up and went over to him and said, "How would you like to be free?"  Mr. Lizard wasn't very talkative, but I could have sworn he nodded at me.

With the cage under my arm, I snuck past my parents' bedroom and quietly made my way outside.  It was a very dark night and I was a little scared, but my desire to free Mr. Lizard helped me overcome my fear.  I set the cage down and opened it.  Without a moment's hesitation, he bolted out of the cage and ran off into the night.  I was a little disappointed because I thought, at the very least, he could have said, "Thank you."  Still, it made me feel good inside.  I went to sleep that night with a smile on my face.

The next morning, I went to go play in a field that was across from my house.  As I was walking past a tree, I noticed a bunch of ants at the base of it.  There were so many of them that I couldn't see what they were eating.  So, I got a stick and poked them.  They scattered and then, to my horror, I saw Mr. Lizard.  I felt really sick.  I dropped the stick and ran home.

Once I got home, I sat on my bed and covered myself with a blanket.  I was so very sad.  

I learned something important that day:

Not all stories have happy endings.
Just another daydream I had. =)

The following is for :iconthewrittenrevolution:
Critique [link]

Thank you for taking the time to read this! =D

I'd appreciate any and all feedback.

1. I hope you enjoyed the story! If not, what didn't you like about it?
2. Was it too slow in some places? Did the story keep you interested all the way through?
3. Any errors I need to correct?

Thanks again!
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:iconclevina:
Clevina Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2011   Writer
I like everything about this story. Except the last sentence.

It sounds cliche and, in my opinion, is a disappointing end to an otherwise fantastic story. Since the lizard dies after being freed, why not have the narrator learn that freedom isn't always a good thing? It is more relevant and specific to the story than the general "not all stories have happy endings." And it is not as cliche.
Reply
:iconlaugh-till-you-bleed:
XD Yeah, it is cliche.
I put that in because, in my mind, it was the first time the child had learned that lesson.
I'll think of an alternative ending, though and post it up under the story. =)
Thank you for taking the time to read it and critiquing it!
Glad you liked the story otherwise, despite the ending. XD
Reply
:iconclevina:
Clevina Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2011   Writer
Hmm, that's a good point actually. :)
But I'm also looking forward to reading the alternative ending. :D
Reply
:iconlaugh-till-you-bleed:
After some thought, I came up with this alternative.
"Despite good intentions, there will always be unforeseen consequences."

or

"Who knew the price of freedom would be so steep?"

or

"I should have asked for a dog." =P
Reply
:iconclevina:
Clevina Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2011   Writer
I like the second one, but I would like it more if it were phrased as a statement rather than a question, like the first alternative! :D

And :lol:, the third one is funny.
Reply
:iconlaugh-till-you-bleed:
Ya, you're right about that. I didn't quite like it that way either, but as the statement, it also seemed cliche. XD

I'm glad you enjoyed the last alternative. Haha!
Reply
:iconwrittenrevolt:
WrittenRevolt Featured By Owner May 24, 2011
Hey, this has been featured as part of #theWrittenRevolution's spring update. :heart:
Reply
:iconlaugh-till-you-bleed:
=O Oh, wow! Thank you so much!

I'm very, very honored and thankful! :iconsmileyplz:
Reply
:iconwrittenrevolt:
WrittenRevolt Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2011
:hug:
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:iconmonstroooo:
monstroooo Featured By Owner May 12, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Very charming - you've captured the innocence of childhood well :nod:

I used to have a pet lizard, but he wasn't very good at catching the crickets :hmm: You could try and watch him eat them... but you had to wait for a very long time...
Reply
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